Aristocratii

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”

“Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? ”

“Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.”

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”

“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”

“George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk.”

“How young can you die of old age?”

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”

“I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.”

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”

“I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that much time.”

Had a little photo session today. I sometimes think that my blinking triggers the camera.

I hate it when I wake up too early. Especially if it happens three times in one day.

He quoted: “It’s better 2 fail in originality than 2 succeed in imitation” but I think It’s better 2 fail in originality than 2 quote others”

Drank some glowing orange Schweppes. Now I gotta be careful not to get stung or bitten by something. God knows what i might turn into.

Sitting 2 much at my PC is gay! No women, my back hurts and a man keeps slapping the back of my head saying “That’s my boy!”

I keep getting “How to give your girl orgasms” emails. And it’s not just from one guy. How the fuck do they all know?

She said “Scientists now grow artificial sperm in a lab. So who needs a man?”- You can now buy a can & poor it yourselfs all over your faces

I’d like waking up in the morning if morning was at about 2pm

No, really! If I go pee right now and a lightning strikes, will my dick get electrocuted?

80 Creative And Well-Designed Logos http://bit.ly/80logos

A local DJ said he thinks we should have an alley named after MJ in our city… It should be dark and near a kindergarten.

A friend of mine just gave birth to a baby. She said “I feel like God” … “I’ve only slept one day in the last week”

This morning’s paper said: “Child trafficking - A problem for Romania” … What?! We can’t even do THAT right?

Do U think being a prostitute at 17 is a parents failure? .. Yeah! Imagine all the profit they missed out on while she was still fresh meat!

While having sex with his gf a man was burned on over 99.6% of his body by an explosion. Couldn’t help think it: that’s a small penis!

#booktitle “Un ciur de malai: arta negocierii pe piata de carne vie”

Suicide bomber hits government bus in Pakistan… He says it’s not his fault, the intersection lights weren’t working and he had priority.

Un crestin, o feminista si un handicapat intra intr-un club de stand-up…

How to maximize your Twitter time yet still stay sane http://bit.ly/3fn7zR

O femeie se plânge că a fost împuşcată în cap în timp ce dormea.Si au facut-o mai urata atat glontu cat mai ales lipsa somnului de frumusete

Michael folosea parfum de femeie şi era timid în pat http://bit.ly/qgxRU Chiar si asa nu a reusit sa convinga toti copii sa suga si de la el

#booktitleday “The Teddy Bear Ate Your Daddy: How To Break It To A Child Gently”

#booktitleday “The Twin With Facial Hair: We’re Not Brothers, I Just Like Your Mommy’s Titties Too”

#booktitleday “Un veac de singuratate 2: Tehnici de masturbare”

#booktitleday “It Was The Mailman: Teach Your Kid How To Lie In Court”

two “urban” scatophiliac lesbians saying goodbye: “kissiz and shit!”

Moartea lui Michael J. provoacă sinucideri. Cel puţin 7 oameni şi-au luat viaţa, disperaţi că acum sunt într-adevăr cei mai urâţi din lume.

La alegeri am trimis in Europa mai multi preoti decat Vaticanul. Dar compensam, am trimis in Europa si mai multi copii. http://bit.ly/4gETFj

“Can masturbating each day keep the doctor away?” (hope so, I’m not the kind of perv that likes other men watching)